Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Rebirth of the Phoenix

From the hot fires of the unknown to the cool breath of your dreams becoming reality.  Our latest adventure in selling our home and purchasing another was a roller coaster of emotions. I was completely in Love with our last home. We built it with our own hands, sweat and love back in 2006. The thought of leaving that beautiful home had me weeping night after night. Thoughts like: what have we done selling this place! Can we take back time and just end it all and stay right here where we are!?! What in the WORLD were we thinking selling this place! 

Though... We've had dreams... aspirations! 

On yet another turn of the roller coaster, there was the anxiety of what's the new place going to be like. More uneasy thoughts; Are we going to even fit? I HATE it!! Everyone else pissed me off because THEY liked it!! Me, I was completely unable to mentally grasp and envision ourselves here. (My expectations were not in line with actuality which unfortunately escalated my personal suffering tenfold.) I did after all, whole heartedly Love the property, the "land" that this home sits on. There are trees, TONS of them 80 foot or more surrounding the entire piece of land! There is a dry bed so close, about 100 yards away! There are deer, moose, owls, eagles, and other wildlife that come visit!! How can you not get excited about that. On evening #1 as I was putting away the kitchen, I knew... I knew this is where I was supposed to be, I did not want to leave!! 

My story is like the story of the Phoenix. I  had to go through the fires of Hell (oh my heck and was it terrifying!) to be reborn into the realization that my dreams are finally coming true. I really love that we persisted through all of the anguish and suffering!

Fast forward 2 months and... We Are HERE! And absolutely in Awe and Love! That puts me here and now at 6am, chilling on the back deck enjoying the bird song and all the new and beautiful sounds that come with living in the country. 

There were signs throughout the process that told me that I needed to be here.  Like the tiny maple tree growing outside the door of the shop, my friend Betty sent that sign, I left a maple tree from her at the old place. (God Bless Miss B, you are dearly missed and I so wish I could bring you here to show you my new place. You'd Love it!!)Then there was the BIG house we really wanted coming back on the market after we had put the offer in on this house, the pain of realizing that the BIG house with all the fun little perks like 2 shops, a greenhouse, AC, central vac, established garden, etc, etc. was NOT the "one". THIS house, though not as big, spacious, and full of perks had the land and property of our dreams! Deep down I watched these signs,  knew about them,  and understood.  
Going through this helped me realize that I have lived my life in a constant want and need. I had gotten to a point in life where things got stagnant and my habit was to continually dream about what it'd be like to.... What the possibilities are.... I don't have this.... I want that... So much so that it has formed a habit or samskara inside me that is continuing. A habit of need and want that is oh so self-defeating. I've started to try to put in check when this happens, so I'm continually reflecting to help myself realize that: hmmm, actually I don't want to be there... where I am right now is just right. I have everything I need and it's just right.  I'm just grateful, that I had the courage to go through the fire of rebirth and transition to get to where I am now, no matter the difficulty and emotional angst. 

No comments:

Post a Comment