To Center myself or to center myself?

I feel like the world is in chaos. What about you? I wonder if there’s a way to easily and quickly bring ourselves back to Center. (Notice the capital C) Is there a difference for you from center to Center? “c”enter to me is the middle of a circle... “C”enter is being balanced in my livelihood spiritually. But how do you Center yourself? There’s historically many options: the Buddhist’s chant mantras, Christianity would pray, and I am almost positive, in my own ignorance of other religions, that each and every other religion out there has its own way of helping us, as human beings, Center ourselves Spiritually.  

So let’s take a step back now and look at where we are in our Lives, our Country, our Universes? Notice the capital “L”, capital “C” and capital “U”? Now please try to take a step behind what you “ think” each of those words mean, like stepping behind a waterfall where you’re safe and the water doesn’t pummel you.. Is your Life Centered? Is your Country Centered?? What about your Universe?? 

How do we Center our lives within the realm of living when the world is going to Hell in a handbasket?!?!?

From my own personal knowledge, and my own personal doings, this is what I can help you with. 

Dark Night of the Soul

I found this Eckhart Tolle quote that describes the meaning of  a dark night of the soul:
The “dark night of the soul” is a term that goes back a long time.  Yes, I have also experienced it. It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness.  The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything.

I have been going through this exact thing the past few days, where my mind has run wild with demons. I have been feeling worthless and stupid! I don't contribute to my home, I don't have the money to buy all those stupid things I see on social media that would "supposedly" make my life 1000 times better!! Everyone seems to have money for traveling, I don't. I have so many dreams and aspirations, yet none of them have come true. My body, my hair, UGH my clothes!! This is all the important stuff, ya know! Ugh again, why in the heck am I worried about these material things when I should be content, I should be happy, I have a lot!! I work hard, and give a lot! Back and forth that boat rocks, never ending, never ceasing!

I am not writing this to ask for pity, I don't even want your sympathy. This is why I never tell anyone about my pains or stresses because that: "Ohhh, I am so sorry!", the "Big Hugs!" honestly does nothing for me other than make me feel worse! Please if you see me just act as though all is well because honestly, it is! I would always take a big silent hug from anyone that would be willing to give one, though! Haha!!

The reason I am writing this is that I have been through this many many times, and I have learned to get myself out! I want to HELP others when in this same situation! I know and understand on a deep level that this is only a temporary state of being, I understand on a profound level that if I "allow" my thoughts and feelings to come in and go out, rather than get stuck inside my chest, or my neck actually, that is where all my stress goes! My recovery will come 10 times quicker when I allow, instead of lasting 100 times longer when I resist.

Last night I was feeling as though my emotions were an ocean storm, I was stuck at the bottom of a Huge wave. The water loomed over me, seeming to want to crash on top of me, where I would drown. I have felt depression many times in my life and it always seems, while I am in it, to be worse every single time! I always wonder if I am going to get out!! I just don't know if I can take it! As I was crying in bed all by myself, trying to work through the pain my mind was going through. I was waiting for that wave to gobble me up! (This is an actual internal fear of mine; the thought of drowning.) I looked around it was a giant round wall of water that was so deep that you could almost not see the top! In that moment I made a decision to allow all that pain and sorrow to take me over. I chose to allow those walls to come over me. I told myself okay, yes you are here, you are in a bad place. I looked up at that wall of water and I let it fall...I allowed all that emotion in, the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between! This made me cry even harder! What is interesting is, that in allowing all that pain in, allowing the tears to wash over me, they only lasted a few moments.

When I was able to envision that lurking ocean swell again, I looked up and I was suprisingly still deep down inside, but then I noticed something. It was small at first because it was so far away, like looking out of a monstrous well, the top was so so far away, yet soooo very bright. There seemed to be a disturbance in that light above me, my eyes had to focus. When I was finally focused on the disruption on the surface of the water. I saw that at the top of that wall was everyone I Love! I saw my mom, my dad, I saw my husband, my children, my family, ALL of my beautiful supportive friends, even angels! There were hundreds of them reaching down, throwing me ropes, and helping me climb and clamber out of that hole! Then I fell asleep.

Now the reason I don't want your sympathy is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I Will Get Out of my funk! I am the only one responsible for doing that so nothing you say, do, or whatever will help me. Honestly! What I want you to do is to show others, this simple note. This simple process of allowing. Maybe, we can help someone else get out of that same horrible funk! Maybe we can save a life. I feel that is why the Universe takes me there semi-often, is to receive the knowledge of how to guide another while in the midst of despair, toward those Loving arms reaching out to help.

TEDxIF 2017 A Full Body Experience!

Another year down with TEDxIdahoFalls! I'm still riding the waves of emotion, highs of community and excitement, lows of my own personal anguish that always seem to haunt me, and the enlightenment of all the things I've learned and experienced on this TEDxIdahoFalls
year 4 adventure. Let me take you on my journey this morning...

I had a memory pop up on Facebook that was a song by Blind Melon called Sleepyhouse.

https://youtu.be/OUjOwtbfpwo

I think I went through every single emotion possible listening to this song today, let me explain:

One of the first lines in this song is "I think that I'm going to play with some free-living lads down the street aways away" This brought to me the joy of being a kid again, and having no worries. It reminded me of Parker Kane a speaker and a beat boxer who has been passionate about making noise with his mouth since he was 9. What a wonderful experience for him to be allowed to be noisy throughout his childhood. He is now an online sensation! #lightscamerapassion

In this song it states "I'm feeling better when I'm high" and I always attributed this line to mean drug induced, but after another Saturday of TEDxIF, I'm here to tell you that there are no drugs needed to get high. All you have to do is put yourself out there doing something you're passionate about, and to have a team of supporting friends and family who are accepting, loving and kind is key. Another speaker at TEDxIF was Tammy Lane Guffy, she told me Sunday morning that she was still riding the waves of highs from the event. She spoke about putting the "pre" in appreciation. #preappreciation is thanking someone for what they're going to do before they do it. Tipping your waiter at the beginning of a meal will reset any prejudgments or current mind ramblings that may be running through their heads. What a genius idea to be able preappreciate someone. Everyone has a better experience! Which was led on by the next line in the song:

"a red light shining on a little unity" this took me to Dan Hudock's talk about being patient when speaking with people with disabilities. Dan has a stutter and reminded us all that for him to feel united with the world it takes continual constant effort. He related it to the sinking feeling of drowning. I personally hope that I can help ALL others feel comfortable when speaking to me. Thank you Dan, for the insights into your mind.

Karl Pettit talked about hunger in our own community, how everyday hard working families can have a run of bad luck and be in need of some of the simplest necessities like dinner for the night. Isn't this what we all want in life is to feel like we are accepted and part of this "unity" even in our lowest moments. I believe we all have this basic human right to feel a part of the whole.

Moving from Needs to Wants to what Steven Hatch explained is our Legacy. A legacy of the giving of your heart to others can fulfill your lifetime legacy, and Jeff Peterson's legacy is the internet, he let us know about the future of the internet, and it's all coming from our small town in Idaho called Ammon!

On went this amazing song saying "see the mistakes that I've made, no they don't seem to bother me" which led me to think of several other talks I heard Saturday night. The first one being Daniel Borup a sculptor and high school art teacher who reminded us to again be patient with ourselves and not give up. He sculpted an angry face into a smiling proud face ON STAGE! Simply exhilarating!

Ali Goljahmofrad explained to us that there's an epidemic causing all of us to inherently say to ourselves I'll be happy when..  #happywhenitis I'll be happy when I get that house, I finish school, I get that job, etc. He reminded us that we can only be happy now.

Progressing through the song it goes "as I feel the moon rise, the time that all feels is the right time" this line filled me up with so much joy emphasizing to me that ALL the speakers were telling us to be in the moment? Right now is the Right time!

The song moves along with "The candle flickers at me to say, and in my head I sometimes pray. Are you feeling fine as I was a little child" aren't we all just little children who've forgotten our roots?

Leslie Stewart reminded us how the connection and love we feel with our pets and animals can heal and lead us to healthier lifestyles as well as being a doorway to our inner most feelings that we may not even know are there. Leading us to those feelings of being fine as a child.

My second time around listening to this song was monumental, I was reminded of Craig Green asking the audience to "be" with your music, not just listen to it, but be with it, feel it, absorb it into your soul. This REALLY made the tears flow by reminding me how everything is connected in this world. If we can just sit back for a small moment and be where we are now without expectation. Wow!

Moving directly to and wrapping it all up in a perfect bundle of emotions the laughter came in the form of Karen Eddington's talk about the power of shared laughter. Karen explained how we can remove ourselves from isolation, depression, and that everyday anguish that some of us continually carry when we can share the laughter in our hearts with others. #sharedlaughter

I am so very blessed for the experiences I have had through my part in TEDxIdahoFalls and grateful to be able to share the beauty and Love that can permeate the world when just a few minds join together in unity. 

The Rebirth of the Phoenix

From the hot fires of the unknown to the cool breath of your dreams becoming reality.  Our latest adventure in selling our home and purchasing another was a roller coaster of emotions. I was completely in Love with our last home. We built it with our own hands, sweat and love back in 2006. The thought of leaving that beautiful home had me weeping night after night. Thoughts like: what have we done selling this place! Can we take back time and just end it all and stay right here where we are!?! What in the WORLD were we thinking selling this place! 

Though... We've had dreams... aspirations! 

On yet another turn of the roller coaster, there was the anxiety of what's the new place going to be like. More uneasy thoughts; Are we going to even fit? I HATE it!! Everyone else pissed me off because THEY liked it!! Me, I was completely unable to mentally grasp and envision ourselves here. (My expectations were not in line with actuality which unfortunately escalated my personal suffering tenfold.) I did after all, whole heartedly Love the property, the "land" that this home sits on. There are trees, TONS of them 80 foot or more surrounding the entire piece of land! There is a dry bed so close, about 100 yards away! There are deer, moose, owls, eagles, and other wildlife that come visit!! How can you not get excited about that. On evening #1 as I was putting away the kitchen, I knew... I knew this is where I was supposed to be, I did not want to leave!! 

My story is like the story of the Phoenix. I  had to go through the fires of Hell (oh my heck and was it terrifying!) to be reborn into the realization that my dreams are finally coming true. I really love that we persisted through all of the anguish and suffering!

Fast forward 2 months and... We Are HERE! And absolutely in Awe and Love! That puts me here and now at 6am, chilling on the back deck enjoying the bird song and all the new and beautiful sounds that come with living in the country. 

There were signs throughout the process that told me that I needed to be here.  Like the tiny maple tree growing outside the door of the shop, my friend Betty sent that sign, I left a maple tree from her at the old place. (God Bless Miss B, you are dearly missed and I so wish I could bring you here to show you my new place. You'd Love it!!)Then there was the BIG house we really wanted coming back on the market after we had put the offer in on this house, the pain of realizing that the BIG house with all the fun little perks like 2 shops, a greenhouse, AC, central vac, established garden, etc, etc. was NOT the "one". THIS house, though not as big, spacious, and full of perks had the land and property of our dreams! Deep down I watched these signs,  knew about them,  and understood.  

Going through this helped me realize that I have lived my life in a constant want and need. I had gotten to a point in life where things got stagnant and my habit was to continually dream about what it'd be like to.... What the possibilities are.... I don't have this.... I want that... So much so that it has formed a habit or samskara inside me that is continuing. A habit of need and want that is oh so self-defeating. I've started to try to put in check when this happens, so I'm continually reflecting to help myself realize that: hmmm, actually I don't want to be there... where I am right now is just right. I have everything I need and it's just right.  I'm just grateful, that I had the courage to go through the fire of rebirth and transition to get to where I am now, no matter the difficulty and emotional angst. 

WTF!

This was written in June of 2012 when my dad was sick and dying.

Holy Fuck! What a week! From the depths of depression to the highs of marijuana. My dad is dying.... I am in extreme emotional pain, yet I know this is just a part of our journeys together. And no one wants to exist having to be a burden. So here I am sitting getting pissed that I can do NOTHING! The docs here say that we just need to make him comfortable. I have taken upon myself to call U of U and make an appointment for dad on July 2nd at a heart clinic. BUT is it going to hurt him more my stubbornness because I am not ready to let him go. YET it could help him really.... he is really pretty bad off though, that is what makes me worry...

Isn't it amazing how sickness lingers.... Have you ever felt that? A traumatic event can happen and hours later the energy from it is still there. These are all things that I ponder, like when a year and a half ago dad had his mini strokes. It happened at our house, and when we came home after getting dad to the hospital, the whole house felt heavy, burdened and uninviting. Why is that? Over time yes that dissipated and went away, but I am just curious what that is. And now I feel an awe-fullness that parked itself inside my abdomen that sits lodged like a rock under my ribs.

I have been trying to let go of attachment, now not my attachment to my dad. But my attachment to the outcome of this situation. I have got to get to where I can "Let Go and Let God":

Letting Go

4/2/10 at 11:45 am  |   15 Comments   

BLOG by DR. WAYNE W. DYER

Perhaps the greatest lessons of my life have revolved around the slogan of the recovery movement: “Let Go and Let God”—a notion that involves relinquishing ego’s attachment to, or fear of, something. The single most pronounced attachment for most of us during the morning of our lives is the attachment to being right! There’s nothing ego loves more than to be right, which makes it an important and satisfying attachment to practice letting go of.

I seriously doubt that there’s anyone reading this who hasn’t engaged in arguing about trivial matters that turned into disagreements, which had a net effect of following a road of self-righteous anger. And all of it probably seemed to be for no reason other than the need, the desire, to be right! Eventually we may look back with wistful amusement, realizing now that our fear of actually being wrong was so strong then that another person’s opinion could energize this unwanted feeling. Ego’s strategy was to be right no matter what, a highly successful maneuver that effectively distracted us from genuine purpose. Letting go of an attachment to being right can be a fairly simple exercise.

So how can you choose to let go and let God, in a quest to eliminate an attachment to being right?  You can handle it with these simple words spoken to another—"You’re right about that". It stems from a soulful decision you make that when given the choice between being right and being kind—you’ll always choose to be kind. Saying “you’re right about that” will gradually open the entry point to a road that leads through letting go and letting God to experiencing a more significant life.

Part of the meaning we gain by letting go is a movement toward real contentment. Most stress in our lives results from hanging on to beliefs that keep us striving for more, because ego stubbornly believes we need it. When we make the shift away from attachment, the influence of our ego fades. We replace attachment with contentment. Chasing and striving—and then becoming attached to what we chased after—is a source of anxiety that feeds Ambition, but it won’t satisfy the need for Meaning at our soul level.

 Wow, I am even having trouble putting this blog post on my own blog from Wayne Dyer because my ego is all "Bull Shit! You can save him, you can make it work." 

Honestly, I am a little, wait no A LOT, pissed that we were told there is NOTHING we can do for him. WHY did it get to this point, WHY didn't we do something sooner then, WHY The FUCK DID WE NOT DO SOMETHING SOONER then!!! Then we have now, and it just might fucking be to late! FUCK!!!

(Ok, sorry that is me the youngest child, throwing a little adult tantrum. Please forgive me, after all what is a word?)

I do think my decision to make that appointment was a good, yet at the same time we are being told it's over. So what are we to think................................................................................................................
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...............................................................................................................and think, and think, and think.

I have wanted this blog to be something to learn from and I am really having a hard time figuring out what you will learn from me going through this awfulness. Still, I just have to get this out, I have to get it off my chest, because I am dying inside (at least it feels like it). I know I have to accept whatever fate comes, and at least I get the chance to be there and tell him I love him. But it sure doesn't make it any easier.

Oh Gossip..

Oh Gossip, 

How you grip me and take me away.

It has come to my attention lately that I am enamored by gossip. There is a scenario going on within a group of friends of mine that is Very Intriguing! I find myself eager for information at each new event that comes along as though it is good. But people's lifes have been ripped into oblivion. People have lost jobs, children have been picked on, and grown adults have created all of this! It is actually Terrifying to hear that a grown person can lie, cheat, and steal their way through life without caring about the people and children they are affecting. Now maybe you understand why I feel at least "some" amusement in hearing and learning about what is going on. I find myself wanting more. Maybe it is because I believe the people who are being mean are possibly going to get it in the end, because I DO NOT like the idea of children being bullied by adults! Maybe it is that I believe "Good will always prevail", I'm not sure. What I do know is the adults who are, as we believe, on the good and correct side of this situation are hammering away at eliminating these mean adults so they can help the other adults and children who have had the misfortune to be placed in this horrible situation.

I sit and question myself though, why does this pull me in? What about it gives me some form of satisfaction? And how do I react to this situation, without making it worse??  I have a lot of passion towards the rights of people, the fair and just treatment of people, and a lot of anger at how these people are being treated. I understand also that putting my anger into the situation will not help anyone, but how can I help?

Another situation I found myself in the other day was some friends chatting in a circle. I heard one say "and she was at my house for an hour and a half". While another person stated, "yea, she can talk forever and you can't get rid of her". I found out who it was and immediately stated "and all she talks about is herself" without even thinking. Within myself at that moment, I stopped! Looked at each of the girls, knew what I was saying was NOT doing any of us any good, and then immediately said, "but I really Love her she is a good person". But I was that second too late!! I really do Love this person, but I had gotten hooked into the drama and contributed.... shameful!! I was glad that I was able to stop myself and stand back almost immediately from the situation and think then regroup. It did bring the conversation to a halt and we all went on to something different, but the damage was done by all of us.

Why is it that when situations come up like this that you get "Pulled" into them. I did not even think before I blurted out "yea and all she does is talk about herself!" It is very difficult not to get hooked into gossipy conversations, AND once you are in, each person feeds off of the others, which can result in an hour long gossip session that is really doing NO ONE any good! While hurting EVERY SINGLE PERSON INVOLVED!

I honestly have zero answers on how to stop gossip, the only thing I know right now is that we need to be conscious of what is going on around us. We need to Notice when we get hooked into these situations. Then we have to make a choice in that moment to Not get pulled in. I posted a picture on Facebook today

I guess if we pay attention we will Realize that we don't have to be a part of gossip. Ultimately why it feels good is because we are making someone else wrong and ourselves right. Taking someone down to lift ourselves up. What if?? What If?!? We lifted each other up and believed that whatever "thing" that is happening to or whatever "thing" someone said is just it. Just plain ole the way it IS! Does it really matter? What if?? We stopped fighting and started enjoying, living, loving, and LIFTING each other?

Happy Birthday Mason!

I am shocked and amazed at how time grabs you and takes you on a ride, and when you wake up.... you struggle to remember what has happened. Sometimes the past can be a bit blurry and dreamlike. 

I haven't posted a blog in MONTH's, I don't know if it is because of my father passing away, or if I am just cranky, but I have shut EVERYONE out of my life! I have struggled to regain Heart, Spirit, Love, Compassion, friendship, etc. I could feel it in there, but to release it has been maybe too painful? So today I am forcing my "Heart" out of it's box! It is TIME to release it and let the Love flow.

And what better reason than a Birthday!! 

I am so amazed daily to look at my son and see what he is becoming! Every Single Day he grabs me by the heart strings and tugs at them. If it is making up silly different kinds of kisses to say goodnight (giant troll kisses, fireman kisses, I bet you wanna know what they are, don't ya), tucking me into bed when I have a migraine and go to bed before him, or asking still, at 8 for a good night lullaby. The same one that we've been singing since he was a baby http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LIcNm0uiEs and now he personally knows one of his angel friends guarding over him.
What a blessing!

The other day he told Derick and I about a new kid that has came into his class. He told us how the boy was being mean and saying rude comments to him about his family as they were standing in line. Then the boy decided to punch Mason in the shoulder. Mason told him "that didn't hurt"; so the boy punched him again; Mason stated "That didn't hurt, stop it!" Well I guess this happened several times, until a teacher noticed and came to check on them. They each told her their stories and the new boy was sent to the principals office, while Mason was sent to class. The amazing thing about this story is a year ago our boy would NOT have just told the kid to "stop it!", he would've tackled the kid to the ground and pummeled him and been sent to the principal's office as well. 

We told Mason how proud we were of him and his ability to keep level headed and speak up for himself. He handled that tough situation Perfectly!
Now to work on keeping that level head with his sister!

Here is one more fun and delightful story about Mason that will also make you smile and let you know what Fun this kid brings into our lives:

The other day while I was switching the laundry, Mason was in the living room getting his soccer gear on and started hollering at me. 

Here is what happened:

Mason: Mom, Mom, Mom, MOM!!! Watch this!
Me: Yes Mason.
Mason: (Making clicking noises with his tongue with each step of tying his shoe.)
Me: Wow, dude where did you learn to do that?? (Spoken excitedly and with great exaggeration.)
Mason: Oh, just some lady.
Me: Yeah! What lady?? (Thinking he was going to say "oh my teacher")
Mason: Some lady named JANECE! 

See what I mean about the kid pulling at your heart strings, and he does it without even knowing. 

His heart is in such a place that he doesn't realize that he is Loving, he IS just what God gave him.

How many times do we shut out our God given Love? We are trained from an early age to
Edge God Out (EGO),
what a wonderful example to me of Love and Heart and Kindness.
Happy Birthday Mason! I am blessed to have you in my Home, in my Heart,
and on this Earth in this Fabulous Family!!
I Love you to the Moon and Back!

So Close Yet So Far Away...

What a Summer (Sheep Creek) Part 3

One of my favorite things about hiking is walking into the "unknown" with mother nature as my guardian. When I was a kid I loved being enclosed in small secret spaces looking out, it made me feel sheltered and protected, and has manifested into my Love of Nature today. After the fateful Alaska Basin fail, we kept on hiking, building muscle and stamina. The above picture is from our hike up Sheep Creek which is a 3000 foot elevation gain in I think 5 miles. Oh mama, it was grueling!!

Another hike of our dreams that my dad has told us about for years has been to go to Waterfall Canyon, which from the above picture you can see was only a mile away, but after climbing 3000 feet, the trail drops into Waterfall Canyon that entire mile. I was not sure I'd be able to make it back up and out if we got all the way down in. The below picture is the view west down into Waterfall Canyon. There were some deer about 400 yards away just grazing having a beautiful day.

The picture below shows the view to the east towards the Snake River and Swan Valley. This is where we came from, straight up the mountain, you can see a sliver of the river if you look close.

All in all a Fabulously demanding day hiking, but yet again a trail fail. We didn't hit our goal of Waterfall Canyon. Yet....

Is it all Mumbo Jumbo?

It is amazing to me how the Universe works. I have been getting down on myself lately, questioning why I post so much "positive", "new age", "enlightening", mumbo jumbo on Facebook. While at the same time questioning whether people are thinking I've gone off the deep end and gone Wacko Jacko! To set everyone straight, I have been studying Quantum Physics, Spirituality, and ANYTHING related. To me this shit is AMAZING, my only regretful notion about all this inspiration is the fact that I hardly ever get to talk to anyone about this fun and exciting way of looking at life. In fact I could help people with what I know, I am sure of it!

The transformations that have occurred in my life since I started my "Journey into Inspiration" are immeasurable! My husband and I get along so much better, we still get mad at each other, but we don't put each other down like we used to. Like this morning, I was putting my homemade (chemical free) deodorant on my feet to soften and exfoliate them, (the same exact stuff he uses on his hands to soften them up after a long day of work). Well he walked in and gave me a look like "what in the world are you doing putting that on your feet!?!?" in turn I immediately got defensive and said "What?!?!" and gave him the same horrifying look. A small bantering back and forth ensued and he left me to my foot softening scrub. Immediately, I was amazed at myself and regretting how quickly I had jumped back into that die hard habit of bad self defeating/world defeating behavior. (Which I am proud to say is a fraction of what it used to be!) And how I knew that if I would have just stated to him what I was doing, and that what his look said to me hurt, we could have saved ourselves some stress. Well, I finished getting myself ready, while wallowing in my shame, wondering what the heck I was thinking! A few minutes later he came in to brush his teeth and said "Sorry Hon". Without hesitation, I told him "I'm sorry too" and gave him a kiss. That my friends is growth. Moving from a mistake to a miracle. And yes it is a miracle in this world today, because how many people can have an instance like that last for 5-10 minutes vs days. (2-4 days was our old way of living.)

Another transformation has been with our children, there used to be daily, no wait, hourly screaming matches when Alexa got home from school. Now we get a day or two in there without them. Mason too has changed, like last night he stated to his father that "Meditation works Dad, it helps your heart and everything." So they worked out for a bit then meditated together. Not to mention the good habit my kids have gotten into about doing chores. To go from telling our neighbor "We never have chores", (Which provoked them getting chores!) to doing them on a semi-regular basis. Don't get me wrong we still have our fair share of dysfunctions, Alexa doesn't want to hang with the family, while Mason is getting in fights at school. But from what I have learned from my listening to audio books and studying the dimensions of our Universe, I am moving toward a better life and I am so much happier. And isn't that what we are here for? Moving toward what feels good and makes us happy.

So my whole reasoning for writing this post today is the fact that I have been "feeling bad" about posting what I post all the time on Facebook. Well, I have a friend who has her own blog (which inevitably makes me cry every single time I read it!) and she mentioned one of my Facebook shares on her post today. Which of course made me cry again, and made me realize maybe, just maybe my efforts aren't so futile. If I can help one person have a single moment in their life that is better than it would have been without my effort, maybe I have done some good in the world today.

Thank you Rach, for today's Inspiration! I Love It!!

What are Limitations?

 What are Limitations?

This morning Alexa came to me and said "Mom! I am wearing pink and black boots, black pants, a black polo, pink and black suspenders, and a pink and black jacket! With a pink hair feather!"

I told her "Alexa you look Amazing!! Can I take a pic??"

Well this got me thinking.... She goes to a school where they have a strict dress code, (solid color polos and basic plain colored pants) and within this code, she is still able to be her own beautiful individual!! 

So here is my "Life Lesson" on this experience today. She is limited to what she can wear, but within that limitation she was able to extract her own personality out. How many times in life do we "perceive" something as a limitation? But if we were to accept this supposed limitation, and detach ourselves from it, then we are able to bring forth a new perspective and 

accept "what is" and actually be so much happier than before the limitation was in our consciousness!!

Thank you Alexa for today's insight! 

I Love you so much!

Swansational Shift in Perception

Swansational Shift in Perseption!

Derick and I took our annual snowshoe trip along the Snake River last Sunday and as usual we were amazed at the wildlife we encountered. Let me just give you a small run down on what we have seen the past few years on this hike. Hmmmmm, first of all upwards of 75 deer (muleys) in one group and several groups several times, white tale deer, turkeys, vultures (8-10 we thought they were going to eat our dog they were so big), moose, rabbit, and every single time we go we see the same two bald eagles in the same tree, and this time we saw over 200 swans along with many geese and ducks. We have been going here for about 4-5 years and we are yet to be disappointed with the wildlife.

As we were hiking along last weekend (hiking is my favorite reflection time, and I get my greatest insights while hiking) I was struggling through the snow, my feet slipping at every step, my muscles sore and tired, and I remembered a technique I have used in the past. If I can deliberately place each foot with each step my breathing improves, the steps aren't so difficult to take, and I inevitably go faster. This is another one of those great metaphors for life. If you can take each step in life with intention, that is KNOW what you want, life tends to fall right in line with you and carry you along.

Here is an example, say you are driving around town, running errands and you are in a parking lot waiting in line for traffic to get onto the main road. In front of you are two cars and there is also a car waiting to get in line to your left. Do you let that person in? Remember it's taking forever for the people in front of you to be able to go. Well this exact instance happened to me, and I intended to be a kind driver and let the person in. Amazingly after waiting 5 minutes for car #1 to get out, then letting the guy to my left in, my wait was over. Everyone was able to get out onto the road within 15 seconds. Now, did my intention make that happen, or was it just by chance? You can make that choice for yourself.

What I do know is that when I am putting out good things, good things happen. When I am discouraged bad things happen. Like while hiking if I focus on the slipping of my feet and the aching of my muscles, I get more and more tired. If I focus on each step and intend it to be solid and firm, my whole experience shifts to one of satisfaction and joy.

I Love this life and what I am learning, I Love growing older and becoming the person I am meant to be. I am understanding who I am more and more, and getting more comfortable in my own skin. I am learning to follow my instincts and intuitions while at the same time turning all those experiences into great lessons for life.  This is when I am truly happy! Thanks for hangin, have a WonderFilled Day!

What a summer! Part 1

What a Summer!

I can not believe all that has happened, what I've learned, and the changes that life has given me. To start it out my dad got sick in June, (well he had been getting sicker and sicker for over a year) and ended up in the hospital the day after Father's Day. At that point I kind of knew that it was near the end of his life, but who wants to accept that fact. It was even easy to talk about, but when he died... time stopped! 

Well in lieu of that HUGE event, I decided to 'unofficially' dedicate the rest of the summer to my dad:

Jabez Dean Ritchie!

Dad and Derick at Blowout in 2007

GET IT OUT

On August 5th 2012 I lost one of the most important people in my life. My father J.D. Ritchie died at 81. It really wasn't supposed to be him that left the earth, there are so many here that "should" have gone first. But maybe it was his sacrifice for us, I don't know. Maybe he had work that needed done elsewhere, I don't know. I am a believer that he has gone on, he basically walked through a door, and now he can see me, but I can't see him. So why am I so bothered by him being gone, when logically I can speak more truth to him now. 

I can see him dancing in his new found health, I can feel his joy and freedom at not having to be burdened by sickness any longer. I am sure he is now enlightening others with his jovial attitude, and facetious comments. While laughing at all our silly earth laden antics, and trivial predicaments. So why, if I can visualize his happiness and feel him smiling down, am I so disheartened by his death.

I have been so jumbled up (mentally) since dad died, I've had a hard time connecting to my inner source, I feel like my mind is turned on overdrive.. At the same time I know and understand that I am in need of a shift (mentally). So I guess that is why I decided to sit and write tonight, to maybe get some of this crap out of my head so I can feel more like I am on a path rather than being spread out like a mile wide river that is only an inch deep traveling through Death Valley and getting sucked up by the atmosphere. (Lol, every time I read that, it makes me laugh. What a great analogy!) 

And amazingly enough, I have nothing else to say. I feel better, I am smiling, I am grateful and proud to be the youngest daughter of Jabez Dean Ritchie!

HEY DAD!
I Love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!

So, I guess my inspiration for tonight is... GET IT OUT!!

Focus on the path you Want to take rather than the stone that is in the road. Janece Moore

I am a beginner dirt bike rider, my husband got me my first bike last year 2011, I had only rode a dirt bike twice before I got my own. I am now 36 years old and I sometimes wonder if I "should" be riding a motorcycle, (am I too old to just be starting)? 

Since I started riding, my husband has taught me everything he knows, (having rode dirt bikes since he was a kid) and the one thing  that he says that sticks out in my head most is: "If you are cruising down a trail and there's a big rock in the way DO NOT look at the rock, because if you LOOK at the rock you will hit it. Instead look at the place in the trail where you want the tire to go." 

Well the last couple weekends, we have gone camping with the dirt bikes. While riding (nervously) down the trails I have had to constantly tell myself; don't hit that rock, don't look at that rock... I finally had an epiphany last weekend while we were flying down a trail. "PICK A LINE!!" Instead of focus on the rock, I need to focus on my path that I want to take. And miraculously my riding instantly was better, and wonderfully I was more comfortable on the trails.

The thing I Love about this, and the reason I wanted to post this in my blog is that it is a great metaphor for all of life as well. If you have big rocks and/or obstacles in your life path, focus on the road you want to take instead of the obstacle. It brings into perspective what needs to be done, instead of paralyzing you to what is in the way. 

My husband, Derick, and I took a hike last week on Sunday
the 3rd of June. What an amazing trip, we went up to Lower Palisades Lake which is about a 3 mile trek up to the lake.
We stopped to have a snack when we got there then we sat
down to enjoy our surroundings, this was our look-out view:

(The date stamp is wrong this was 6-3-12. Better fix that setting!)

As we were sitting here enjoying the view, watching a hawk with a fish in his talons with the binocs, we hear off to the right some stomping and tromping like some horses are coming up upon us. Well if you know Upper Palisades off to the right, from this lookout, is just a mountain, there are no trails or anything else off in that direction. And immediately to the right of us is a giant rock that was maybe 15 feet tall, so we can not see what is coming. Amazingly enough, out from behind the rock comes bounding a mountain goat! A real live wild Mr Mountain Goat!! This guy acted excited, like he was spooked or being chased. As we sit in SHOCK against the rock that he was next going to jump on, he stops not 9 feet away from us. I am panicking because I have left my camera somewhere! Where the crap is it, I can't move or he is going to be gone! And yes, in an instant he jumps off again bounding toward the main trail. We hop up and follow him giggling at our encounter. We notice that there are a couple of ladies on the trail with dogs on leashes who are just receiving their own face to face brush with Mr. Mountain Goat. They are hooting and laughing and just as astonished about their reality as we just were. A few minutes later the women came up and we talked about what each of us had seen. One of them asked if we had seen him run straight dead on into a tree and how he was only about 5 feet away from them when he hit the trail. We all babbled on about how blown away we all were at seeing Mr. Mountain Goat and what a divine experience we had each had. It was a very satisfying and hopefully Not a once in a lifetime experience.

Well, high off of nature and raring to go we decide to hike out, we are still flabbergasted about what just happened. About 3/4 to 1 mile down the trail we hear stomping again to our left in the creek. Between us and the creek are a bunch of shrubs, so we can't see what is going on. We stop and Derick peaks through the shrub and says "It's a moose!" Holy Crap, can this day get ANY better! YES! Not 10 feet away is a young moose  hiding from us in the creek. So what do I do, (I do not want to miss getting a pic of this one too) I follow Mr. Moose up the trail as he meanders up the creek.

(Actual date 6-3-12)

Astonished, and even more high off nature we keep on trekking. Now this canyon has many many high cliffs and is a place where frequently you can see mountain goats up on the cliffs. Just like we did about another mile down the trail! This one seemed to be drinking from a spring or maybe eating something, and he was far away as you can see in the bottom picture.

Not the greatest of pics, but he was up there!

This is the cliff the above mountain goat was on, you can see a tiny white spek  near the left of the middle. That's him!

So I have decided that this blog is going to be about how I perceive the world. And on this hike we could have (having been to this lake many times) come to a conclusion about what would happen. We go to the lake, have our lunch, hike back with sore feet, no big deal, the end of the road is already chosen. BUT as the saying at the top says, "A traveler has no fixed plans". Derick had mentioned when we got there to maybe hike a bit further, I personally was beat. So thank goodness for a gracious man that says "I have no fixed plans", we decide to sit down and be quiet for a while. And look what Amazing things happened!!

The next line in the saying above is "and is not intent on arriving" which means to me that we had no expectations of what was going to happen up there. Of course you always hope for a sight of some wildlife, but 8 FEET AWAY and that many! Can I say HOLY CRAP again!! This day will go down in my record books as one of the Greatest!!

Alexa at 1 Year Old

 Angel Lullaby

From My Turn on Earth

You came from a land where all is light 

to a world half day and a world half night. 

To guide you by day, you have my love, 

To guard you by night, your friends above. 

(Chorus) 

So sleep, sleep, till the darkness ends, 

guarded by your angel friends. 

So sleep, sleep, till the darkness ends, 

guarded by your angel friends. 

There's one stands softly by your bed 

and another sits close with a hand on your head. 

There's one at the window watching for the dawn, 

and one waits to wake you when the night is gone.

(Chorus)

Eleven years ago, my dream girl came into my life. She has been a joy and at times a heartache.  From day one I have sang this song to my beautiful daughter. It brings me great joy to share this with you. I Love you Lexa!

 

As I Watch You Grow

© Kay Theese

Do you know how much you mean to me?

As you grow into what you will be.

You came from within, from just beneath my heart

it's there you'll always be though your own life will now start.

You're growing so fast it sends me awhirl, 

With misty eyes I ask, Where's my little girl?

I know sometimes to you I seem harsh and so unfair, 

But one day you will see, I taught you well because I care.

The next few years will so quickly fly, 

With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry.

As you begin your growth to womanhood, this fact you must know, 

You'll always be my source of pride, no matter where you go.

You must stand up tall and proud, within you feel no fear, 

For all you dreams and goals, sit before you very near.

With god's love in your heart and the world by its tail, 

You'll always be my winner, and victory will prevail.

For you this poem was written, with help from above, 

To tell you in a rhythm of your Mother's heartfelt Love!

Source: As I Watch You Grow, Daughter Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/as-i-watch-you-grow#ixzz1wvxmnPjG 

www.FamilyFriendPoems.com 

"I would rather live my life as if there is a God 

and die to find out there isn't, 

than live my life as if there isn't 

and die to find out there is." ~ 

I feel and believe that God is a universal force, God is a he and a she and a we. You may call God "God", "Being", "Universe", "Allah", "The Allmighty", etc. (How many names really are there for God?) I am of a belief that they are all one in the same. My God is no better than your God, and your God is no different than mine. My God Loves you for you and me for me. We are all One with God.

Here is an example of what God is to me: 

Imagine a Mighty Oak tree, big and beautiful. Well this oak was cut and mitred and turned into a desk, a picture frame, a beautiful hand carved statue and countless other things. These pieces and parts of the Mighty Oak were separated, never to be together again. BUT aren't they still a "piece" of that Mighty Oak. They all are still a part of what they once were, and that is you and me. We ALL are part of what we once were.

I have been debating in my head how exactly I would like this blog to play out, and to be honest I have no idea! I guess I will just have to type it and say whatever happens, happens! (It's hard to let go of control.)

(I wrote this 2 days ago and just could not finish or publish it, then amazingly I read this post by Kyle Cease on Facebook) I am now (timidly) ready to start.

"I know most people don't care about this, however if you experienced this it would be the ONLY thing you care about. This process has been the craziest experiment of my life. I am writing new material by riffing it over and over into a camera on skype for different groups of people. Everytime someone hears it, they laugh so hard at me and I suddenly get into state and add the funniest stuff to it. the jokes start evolving on their own. IT is such a fascinating process. It's also causing me to really feel a new level of confidence. I start delivering the jokes with this different force behind me and mixing it with what I am truly feeling in that moment. Here is what I am getting from this. If you are sad in ANY WAY at all. Start to write your thoughts out and keep going. every single thought you have. Watch as you observe the thoughts as you write and realize that it is just a thought. DO NOT ANALYZE. The mistake of analyzing is you are under the illusion that what is happening in the current moment is how it will be at the end. (I can't think of anything good to write about so the book is going to be stupid) Analyzing would be like analyzing working out versus working out. No matter how much you analyze, you will not get fitter. Analyzing is control. You aren't trusting, you are trying to see it. Everytime I riff to people on skype, I feel different, more confident and better. Also after now doing this for 5 people, I am addicted. It's like when you go to the gym for a couple weeks. You want to go again. But when you start, you don't. Starting is 90 percent of this. Show up and be ok with the struggle, the not knowing, the letting go of certainty. Get excited about not knowing. Practice showing up and doing it more. I have no clue where this is going to go. If I did, there would be no room for surprises. JUST Start without knowing. You are analyzing this right now. Start and keep going only. Either you are working out, or gaining weight. You don't need therapy, or motivation. Just start."


Thank you Kyle Cease for your Amazing words!